Lathering the Loofah… In Line… at Walmart..
Oh yes. I’m here to tell you it IS possible to turn an ordinary shopping trip into a glurply, purply, lathering-good time.
(But only in my world…)
So, it started out as any other ordinary shopping trip to Walmart last night.
Jesse, Lydia and I were just coming back from the fair, and Jesse wanted to stop by Walmart on our way home, to get some groceries. (Note: I was NOT intending to buy anything on this particular trip.)
Well… that was NOT to be the case this particular evening…
After getting a few groceries, Jesse tells me he needs shampoo. So, we proceed to the shampoo / body wash isle. And even though I, myself, do NOT need any shampoo /body wash, I start smelling the various body washes, anyway (and, well, what girl doesn’t?) ;-) But I have a very special way of smelling the shampoo/body washes. You see, if you squeeze the bottle very carefully, you can just push some of the air out of the bottle, which, in turn, releases more of the yummy fragrances into your nostrils. (You just have to be VERY CAREFUL NOT to squeeze too hard, or else end up with a snout-full. Well, anyway, this air-piggybacking* sniff-method had worked very well for me in the past.
So, I’m sniffing away at this particular body wash (I think this one was Plum/Pomegranate or something like that), and I hear, “GLURP.” And then… I feel unmistakable coolness on my chest and shirt. One reach up confirms my suspicions; some of the aforementioned, yummy, plum/pomegranate body wash now decorated my décolletage. Yes.
(I want you to know I’ve been trying to refrain from using the term ‘skeet’ here, and it’s been taking quite a bit of effort.) ;-)
So… what to wipe the evidence with? By now, I’m sweating, looking around to see if anyone saw this horrendous act. No one in the isle except Lydia and Jesse… near the cart… and their heads are facing the other way.
Quickly, wanting to remove the evidence from my shirt, I wipe the entire amount off on my hands.
I call Lydia over. “Lydia. Come here.” Her semi-smile & raised eyebrows tell me just about all I need to know about what kind of reaction I could expect from other store patrons.
“Lydia, Mom had kind of an accident”. (I gotta tell ya… She’s doing really good, holding that laughter back. )
“We’re going to need to go to the trial size section. You know those pocket pack Kleenex’s? Yeah, we’re gonna need to buy one (or two) of those. Help me find them!” (I figured this would be the best option, since the trial size section was in sight at the end of the isle. Unfortunately, on THIS day, there were no pocket packs of Kleenex.
So I quickly search around, and spot some LOOFAHS!! Yay! I can just wipe the body wash into a loofah, where it will magically disappear, and heck! I’ll even buy the thing! (since I’d been audacious enough to dirty it.) It seemed like a good plan.
Wipe. Wipe. At first, the body wash DID seem like it was disappearing into the soft, webby plastic of the maroon-shaded loofah… but then, I was realizing, to my horror, that the more I wiped, the CREAMIER and MORE LATHERY it got! Oh wow…
(By now, I’m resigned to the fact there is no stopping this lather!)
Then, it dawns on me… I’m going to have to EXPLAIN this to the checkout person! (Because you CAN’T just bring a lathered-up loofah to the checkout line and NOT explain how it came to be that way.
(I mean, what am I? A foaming-at-the-mouth crazy lady, or something?.) Lol
Well, lets just say… the checkout lady took it VERY well… (It was actually pretty amusing watching her try to ‘scan the tag’ on the loofah, while trying to NOT touch any of the lathered-up part (and there wasn’t much unlathered part left!) ;-) She smiled & laughed through the whole thing like a good sport.
So, after arriving home, I guess I was trying to get the ‘body wash’ of evidence out of sight, so I wouldn’t have to answer any probing questions from my other roommates, as to why I was bringing home an already-lathered loofah. So, I temporarily stashed it in my room. (It’s still in the bag.)
Suffice it to say, I forgot about my little, ‘loofah-of-shame’ when I went to take my shower this morning, and AFTER the whole ‘BEAN-JUICE Incident this morning**, it sure would’ve come in handy.
But, at least now when I’m ready to use my new loofah, I don’t have to add any body wash to it! It’s all ready! Just add water & watch as the fruits of my plummy-scented labor are sown forth.
**Bean Juice Incident: If you wanna read about how I started this morning mopping bean juice off a garage floor, you can search for it on my facebook page, (or get to it easier, by reading it on my Blog here --> http://schmidttalker.blogspot.com/2011/09/holy-old-bean-juice-batman-oo.html
*(Still can’t get over that pig.)***
*** There is a pig from a previous blog. Read about it here --> http://schmidttalker.blogspot.com/2011/09/pigs-orgasm-lasts-30-minutes.html
(But only in my world…)
So, it started out as any other ordinary shopping trip to Walmart last night.
Jesse, Lydia and I were just coming back from the fair, and Jesse wanted to stop by Walmart on our way home, to get some groceries. (Note: I was NOT intending to buy anything on this particular trip.)
Well… that was NOT to be the case this particular evening…
After getting a few groceries, Jesse tells me he needs shampoo. So, we proceed to the shampoo / body wash isle. And even though I, myself, do NOT need any shampoo /body wash, I start smelling the various body washes, anyway (and, well, what girl doesn’t?) ;-) But I have a very special way of smelling the shampoo/body washes. You see, if you squeeze the bottle very carefully, you can just push some of the air out of the bottle, which, in turn, releases more of the yummy fragrances into your nostrils. (You just have to be VERY CAREFUL NOT to squeeze too hard, or else end up with a snout-full. Well, anyway, this air-piggybacking* sniff-method had worked very well for me in the past.
So, I’m sniffing away at this particular body wash (I think this one was Plum/Pomegranate or something like that), and I hear, “GLURP.” And then… I feel unmistakable coolness on my chest and shirt. One reach up confirms my suspicions; some of the aforementioned, yummy, plum/pomegranate body wash now decorated my décolletage. Yes.
(I want you to know I’ve been trying to refrain from using the term ‘skeet’ here, and it’s been taking quite a bit of effort.) ;-)
So… what to wipe the evidence with? By now, I’m sweating, looking around to see if anyone saw this horrendous act. No one in the isle except Lydia and Jesse… near the cart… and their heads are facing the other way.
Quickly, wanting to remove the evidence from my shirt, I wipe the entire amount off on my hands.
I call Lydia over. “Lydia. Come here.” Her semi-smile & raised eyebrows tell me just about all I need to know about what kind of reaction I could expect from other store patrons.
“Lydia, Mom had kind of an accident”. (I gotta tell ya… She’s doing really good, holding that laughter back. )
“We’re going to need to go to the trial size section. You know those pocket pack Kleenex’s? Yeah, we’re gonna need to buy one (or two) of those. Help me find them!” (I figured this would be the best option, since the trial size section was in sight at the end of the isle. Unfortunately, on THIS day, there were no pocket packs of Kleenex.
So I quickly search around, and spot some LOOFAHS!! Yay! I can just wipe the body wash into a loofah, where it will magically disappear, and heck! I’ll even buy the thing! (since I’d been audacious enough to dirty it.) It seemed like a good plan.
Wipe. Wipe. At first, the body wash DID seem like it was disappearing into the soft, webby plastic of the maroon-shaded loofah… but then, I was realizing, to my horror, that the more I wiped, the CREAMIER and MORE LATHERY it got! Oh wow…
(By now, I’m resigned to the fact there is no stopping this lather!)
Then, it dawns on me… I’m going to have to EXPLAIN this to the checkout person! (Because you CAN’T just bring a lathered-up loofah to the checkout line and NOT explain how it came to be that way.
(I mean, what am I? A foaming-at-the-mouth crazy lady, or something?.) Lol
Well, lets just say… the checkout lady took it VERY well… (It was actually pretty amusing watching her try to ‘scan the tag’ on the loofah, while trying to NOT touch any of the lathered-up part (and there wasn’t much unlathered part left!) ;-) She smiled & laughed through the whole thing like a good sport.
So, after arriving home, I guess I was trying to get the ‘body wash’ of evidence out of sight, so I wouldn’t have to answer any probing questions from my other roommates, as to why I was bringing home an already-lathered loofah. So, I temporarily stashed it in my room. (It’s still in the bag.)
Suffice it to say, I forgot about my little, ‘loofah-of-shame’ when I went to take my shower this morning, and AFTER the whole ‘BEAN-JUICE Incident this morning**, it sure would’ve come in handy.
But, at least now when I’m ready to use my new loofah, I don’t have to add any body wash to it! It’s all ready! Just add water & watch as the fruits of my plummy-scented labor are sown forth.
**Bean Juice Incident: If you wanna read about how I started this morning mopping bean juice off a garage floor, you can search for it on my facebook page, (or get to it easier, by reading it on my Blog here --> http://schmidttalker.blogspot.com/2011/09/holy-old-bean-juice-batman-oo.html
*(Still can’t get over that pig.)***
*** There is a pig from a previous blog. Read about it here --> http://schmidttalker.blogspot.com/2011/09/pigs-orgasm-lasts-30-minutes.html
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